auto boulot dodo - left coast

so yeah blah. work. the wierd thing about having a blog is that now i keep thinking of things to write in it all the time. especially in the car driving (which i do a lot but have been pretty much digging recently - probably lack of traffic)

things that have occured to me:

1. it's good that there are certain things that reset certain cycles. like sleep, exercise, seasons, menstrual cycles etc. change is good and it's good that there is automatic change. i have issues with change - a love/hate relationship - i get bored, have a desire for personal growth and to experience different things, but also if i don't feel in control or if there is a lot of uncertainty about the form that change will take it makes me very anxious. I've been very anxious lately about what's coming next. I feel like i'm making progress in dealing with these things in a way that will be good for me. I was talking about it last night with my brother. It's the logic/vibe combination - I like to logically lay out my options and then get vibes about them. This is how I found my current house, basically how I picked a college (even a high school if you can believe that), pretty much everything. I think I need to go with my gut feeling a little more maybe and not rule out options that maybe have logical problems especially when the logical problems are more my own insecurities/relying on or worrying about other people's opinions (i may have liked Reed, there are definitely boys that could have worked for me)

2. the first george bush is sure looking a hell of a lot better in retrospect. i would pick him over this one anyday. but why can't we have clinton back? he was the best president i've ever experienced.

3. i'm glad that my living space doesn't include any conservative propaganda - although
this site's propaganda is not bad because i agree with some of the things that they say about kerry but in a positive way and they aren't negative things to me at all. it makes me sad that some people actually do think that being flexible is a bad thing. i guess that's pretty much the fundamental problem with calvin is that it is completely and utterly rigid about just about everything and that is anathema to how i think life should be *lived* also here's a good liberal propaganda source move on

4. i love the "black vinyl" heh saturday looks good to me - all your summer songs. so good.

5. so much depends on framing it makes my head hurt. all the choices that people make - it makes you wonder how much you are manipulated that you don't even realize. i don't like manipulation in general - but i do in relationships a lot. i guess there are some situations where i think it's ok. if the parties involve understand the manipulation - then it's somewhat in the open - i don't like dishonest or sneaky manipulation - and it bugs me even more when the manipulator doesn't know exactly what they are doing or why. that's kind of how i see Bush - not intentionally evil - but all the worse because he isn't intentionally trying to be evil or to achieve a particular result - at least with a self aware evil person you can figure out what they are trying to achieve.

listening to: yo la tengo - and then nothing turned itself inside out