auto boulot dodo - left coast

I was thinking about this. There are some albums that are just great and you can go back to them years later and they still sound amazing. Not necessarily favorite albums but ones that I would never sell, would like to have on vinyl, and listen to all the way through. Or albums that define a genre or create new musical possibilities.

Massive Attack - Blue Lines
Pearl Jam - Ten
U2 - Achtung Baby
Magnetic Fields - Get Lost
Afghan Whigs - Gentlemen
Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works
Tortoise - TNT
Paul Simon - Graceland
Tricky - Maxinquaye
Yo La Tengo - And then nothing turned itself inside out



listening to: still no music

damn - i've been feeling a lot these past couple days. it's so wierd to me how my emotions have just hit me with a vengeance. things are really intense and i'm not used to them being so intense and real. i'm engaged with the world again and it's scary as hell. not only am i so out there - i'm finally feeling like i can make the decisions that i want to be making and allowing myself to become attached to people and to some degree believe like they are not just going to completely disappear from my life. the past 8 years or so were a completely bizarre overwhelming trip and i feel lucky that i made it. i think i'm finally ready to deal with some of the fallout. that's kind of what this past year has been about. making decisions that were solely motivated by what *I* needed - being able to see options and evaluate them for what they meant to *me* primarily - and not feeling guilty about it.

on the other hand i'm starting to feel ready to have real connections to people and expect things from them. for so long i've felt like i had to do everything for myself or i would lose control or be crushed when people were critical of my actions, decisions or opinions. i would really like a relationship - i have a *lot* of intimacy issues - on the one hand i am very sensitive and get very attached to people - on the other hand that makes me incredibly skittish around people i think i could actually like that much because they could have so much power to hurt me and i don't trust myself not to hurt them. in some ways i'm very secure but when it comes to relationships i'm a neurotic mess.

and i lost 7 pounds since my last doctors appt. - in January. It's cool but barely any of my clothes fit right. I want cute new clothes but don't have the money.

i'm stressed about drop day as well - worlds colliding - i feel like i'm more connected than many alums to current students - and i don't want to be a real adult - but adulthood is creeping up on me... career, responsibility, car payments, 401k, etc. worries about promotions and raises. desire for more money. these are not things i particularly expected to happen to me in such a big way.

listening to: nothing :( i left my cd player somewhere (pasadena i think)

yes!!! It's a shame that these health care issues are just starting to get the attention and analysis that they deserve.

I realized yesterday what I really find so repulsive about Bush and the people that support him - this was something actually said by the Fox news channel host Sean Hannity. Basically his point was that Bush was good because he sees things very black and white, and that he acts on his principle and does what he thinks is good for the country without considering the possibillity that people may disagree with him for valid reasons. This is exactly why he is so dangerous and offensive to me, because for one his principles are not backed up by any sort of logical reasoning. Clinton was always critizised for being unprincipled and changing his mind for "popularity" but why is that a bad thing? Politicians are supposed to represent the people that they govern and public opinion changes as situations change. Hannity also suggested that all the people who were mad at Bush were just mad because he was so effective in doing what he thinks is right (and according to Hannity is unquestionably good for the country) Well ... yes duh! that's a perfectly reasonable response - Bush is systematically acting counter to my principles and preferences in a duplicitous and illogical way. He may think he is "principled" but I defy anyone to present a case that these so-called principles that he is acting on are consistent or backed up by credible evidence. I have some sympathy for a consistent conservative set of principles - fiscal responsibility, government staying out of peoples lives!!!! leaving decisions and power to the states. There are some persuasive arguments one can make for these principles of government. Bush is clearly not following these conservative principles unless they happen to coincide with what he wants to do. Personally I find myself alligned more with Liberal views but more than that, I believe in public policy that works for the majority of people - that either improves their lives or stays out of it. Markets can be great, but free market economics doesn't automatically produce the best results for a population. Sure I would love it if I agreed with everything the government did but I would also understand if other people didn't like it, if it conflicted with their preferences. I accept the fact that not everyone wants to live how I think they should and I am perfectly willing to put up with a government that to some degree accomodates that. It pisses me off that Bush thinks that he has the intelligence to make good decisions for the entire country and that he doesn't even entertain the possibility that his actions are just plain bad and bad for the country. Give me a fucking break.

Also I officially hate Calvin and think it is an evil institution. Any place where a school official can just go through your room without notice or justification is toxic. In further family discussions I will not even temper my opinion - I think it's fine for it to exist. I think some of its practices should be illegal. But I will not in any way say that it is a good institution - I think it is just plain bad and I will do everything I can to convince people to that effect. Especially my brother. Even if it takes some financial persuasion. I feel like I should make all the money I can because that seems to be the most effective way to influence things. Especially if I can make the money from the people I don't agree with.

listening to: magnetic fields - holiday

2004 Coachella Valley Music Festival holy cow this is going to be crazy.

I'm excited about:

death cab! obviously
prefuse 73
savath and savalas
atmosphere
sage francis
le tigre
broken social scene
dizzee rascal
pretty girls make graves
the pixies
the cure

curious about/haven't really listened but may like:

basement jaxx
bright eyes
phantom planet
cursive
t. raumschmiere
elefent
ash
errase errata
!!!

wow

listening to: el-p fantastic damage

When you close your eyes and think of hip-hop, you're probably like me. You think of tall mountains, deep snow, and some hard-ass Christ-seeking emcees.

Also:
In conclusion, you should all go to Inuit Freedom Day, because I am
going to ride Rebecca Stob like a sled.
-Doug (aka Boy)

agh actually busy today.


listening to: decemberists - castaways and cutouts, massive attack - blue lines