auto boulot dodo - left coast

no they're good. really. but kind of overwhelming. I'm so used to being this incredibly autonomous person, which can get lonely but also very much means that my activities aren't scrutinized or full of commitments etc. It's wierd to step back into the child role. I do miss my family but it also makes me sad that I really *can't* live with my family and be myself. my brother however is awesome and i could live with him.

my mom put up a real christmas tree with gold tinsel and colored lights... because i always complain about how our artificial tree is too tasteful. ironic that the fake tree is tasteful while the real tree is tacky. it was really sweet and i love it. we had our family christmas eve present opening around it.

couples sitting next to me just shouldn't make out on the plane.

i read "nickled and dimed" which clinton got me for christmas before i left. damn the US is seriously fucked up. and wal-mart is evil. really good book though.

on the plan i read Business Week to figure out where to put my money next year. The economist for a much needed global perspective, and wired just because it's like candy for my demographic.

i'm more and more scared the more i realize how few people have more of a clue than i do. it doesn't make me feel superior really just scared for the world.

according to my brothers reader for his interim class "Developing a Christian Mind" my worldview is one of skepticism in its extreme form approching nihilism. it doesn't really go into why this is necessarily a bad thing. sometimes it make living uncomfortable or difficult but that isn't necessarily a reason for dismissing it. it's so hard for me to put a finger on why the whole calvinist/calvin college worldview makes me so uncomfortable and strikes me as really wrong. i feel like there is this fundamental hypocrisy in it that i can't quite name because i don't understand the supposedly internally consistent principles of it. i guess the veiled postulate that it is right and all the intellectual manipulation that goes on to try to make the internal assumptions consistent or meaningful in any real way.

christmas presents... less stressful than they used to be. i got some useful stuff. a trucker hat and linkin park t-shirt from my brother like i asked yay rose parade here i come. only 4 of the cds out of 60 or so on my amazon wish list were available in the stores my mom went to but the store people thought i had good taste. my mom also put together a scrapbook of all sorts of stuff from my childhood, report cards etc. it feels wierd looking through it - and a lot of it especially from high school just doesn't jive with how i remember it. but it does remind me of where my feelings of alienation come from.

my brain feels overloaded.

listening to: magnetic fields - holiday (appropriate no?)