auto boulot dodo - left coast

so - back from chicago. my relatives are fun if a bit too eager to extol the merits of calvin college. it's cold but actually warm for the midwest. i felt awful this morning - sore throat, achy, i want to curl up and be unconcious awful - and all i wanted to do was to be back in California. On my work calendar I wrote on this day that i was still in MI and getting very sick of the cold - how true.

i'm officially old. i'm the only cousin that's moved out of the house even though one cousin is my age, graduated from college, and has a job. i got a girlie present (my aunts, mom and grandmother all give each other small crafty presents in addition to the regular gift exchange) got to see my relatives from washington DC for the first time in years. i can't imagine still living at home. yay freedom! psychological as well as physical

i did get some ideas about making a bed frame out of PVC.

still reading a people's history of the united states.

oh i am so looking forward to new years eve. yay california.
listening to: idlewild - the remote part, broadcast - ha ha sound

no they're good. really. but kind of overwhelming. I'm so used to being this incredibly autonomous person, which can get lonely but also very much means that my activities aren't scrutinized or full of commitments etc. It's wierd to step back into the child role. I do miss my family but it also makes me sad that I really *can't* live with my family and be myself. my brother however is awesome and i could live with him.

my mom put up a real christmas tree with gold tinsel and colored lights... because i always complain about how our artificial tree is too tasteful. ironic that the fake tree is tasteful while the real tree is tacky. it was really sweet and i love it. we had our family christmas eve present opening around it.

couples sitting next to me just shouldn't make out on the plane.

i read "nickled and dimed" which clinton got me for christmas before i left. damn the US is seriously fucked up. and wal-mart is evil. really good book though.

on the plan i read Business Week to figure out where to put my money next year. The economist for a much needed global perspective, and wired just because it's like candy for my demographic.

i'm more and more scared the more i realize how few people have more of a clue than i do. it doesn't make me feel superior really just scared for the world.

according to my brothers reader for his interim class "Developing a Christian Mind" my worldview is one of skepticism in its extreme form approching nihilism. it doesn't really go into why this is necessarily a bad thing. sometimes it make living uncomfortable or difficult but that isn't necessarily a reason for dismissing it. it's so hard for me to put a finger on why the whole calvinist/calvin college worldview makes me so uncomfortable and strikes me as really wrong. i feel like there is this fundamental hypocrisy in it that i can't quite name because i don't understand the supposedly internally consistent principles of it. i guess the veiled postulate that it is right and all the intellectual manipulation that goes on to try to make the internal assumptions consistent or meaningful in any real way.

christmas presents... less stressful than they used to be. i got some useful stuff. a trucker hat and linkin park t-shirt from my brother like i asked yay rose parade here i come. only 4 of the cds out of 60 or so on my amazon wish list were available in the stores my mom went to but the store people thought i had good taste. my mom also put together a scrapbook of all sorts of stuff from my childhood, report cards etc. it feels wierd looking through it - and a lot of it especially from high school just doesn't jive with how i remember it. but it does remind me of where my feelings of alienation come from.

my brain feels overloaded.

listening to: magnetic fields - holiday (appropriate no?)

hello this is some serious advice. also this person has issues with the way Word completes words for you sometimes and it's disconcerting. Yes!!! I *DONT* want my word processing software to infer anything about what i do or what sort of help i may want.

there was an earthquake - i felt it - it was exciting. i always think of the first time i experienced an earthquake... i was in the middle of shall we say, amorous activities. hee hee

listening to: american analog set - know by heart

This is pretty horrifying. Props to the NY times for investigating. Hopefully this will put some pressure on OSHA. That's just messed up.

listening to: prefuse 73 - one word extinguisher

I always have about 3-10 different conversations going on in my head at a time. It's funny to think of my neurons competing for my attention. Anyways - what i'm thinking about now -

1. My job and related issues with structure and health care and corporate organization, corruption, efficiency

2. Music - Best of 2003 - I think I can't really evaluate what music I like the most - much of the music i listened to in 2003 came from earlier years, I'm still figuring out what music will stay with me. What I definitely did like that was released in 2003:

Death Cab for Cutie – Transatlanticism
Postal Service – Give Up
The Shins – Chutes too Narrow
Prefuse 73 – One Word Extinguisher/Extinguished
Yo La Tengo – Summer Sun
Decemberists – Her Majesty the Decemberists
Manitoba – Up in Flames

3. Moving - I'm becoming more swayed to the San Francisco option

4. Boys I like - their relative merits and problems and wondering if I will ever manage to have a functional, real relationship. I'm so used to being single. Also what I'm actually looking for.

Ack - It's exhausting being me.

listening to: mix from 8/2003

more attacks on civil liberties man it is just always about people protecting their short term economic interests.

I'm reading A People's History of the United States and it is seeming ever so relevent
listening to: yo la tengo - painful

1. agricultural subsidies - cheap high fructose corn syrup = bad food
2. anti-abortion rules - i am staunchly, unflinchingly pro-choice in every way besides which i think it totally sucks to make things harder on those with fewer options - obviously a rich person has options if they want an abortion but a poor 14 year old girl that is pregnant needs those options even more i would argue
3. abstinence only education - sex is not only an inevitable fact of life for adolescents (and we should at least provide them with accurate information) it is a personal decision and i find it offensive that the us government should be dictating a mostly religiously informed morality.
4. trade barriers - if you are going to espouse some free market ideology at least be consistent
5. the drug war and all other oppressive, expensive, counter-productive policies with respect to drugs including demonstrably false "drug education" programs. drugs are not necessarily great but they are ubiquitous, and it seems a bit fishy that something is that bad when the majority of the population does it. the us is *so* far from a sensible policy when it comes to drugs that it blows my mind
6. tax cuts for the wealthy - i make a decent living and the tax cut = ~ $7 per paycheck for me. woo hoo. what the fuck?
7. health care - is anything reasonable with respect to health care even on the radar? do we even care that the majority of the us population is getting fucked over with health care - grocery strikes, how many uninsured?, no federal negotiation with drug companies?
8. capital punishment/racial injustice in the criminal system
9. microsoft anti-trust capitulation - i hate microsoft with a deep seated passion
10. foreign policy - oh my god, what a mess, and not just in Iraq.


listening to: the unicorns - who will cut our hair when we are gone?

yay! according to what i've found on the web i will be eligible for california residency standing in the eyes of the UC system after my birthday (24 years old - that's soooo old) this is good news for potential grad school plans in california! UC Berkeley? probably a stretch. i wonder how hard the math gre is?

listening to: dcfc - transatlanticism

kcrw archive performances this totally rocks. tons of performances by hip bands

listening to: postal service - on kcrw morning becomes eclectic

among other shocks of living in the real world is people hitting on me (pretty ineptly)

at the gym (shy guy thinks i might go to north hollywood high, thinks i'll be impressed by his monetary success, and has his friend talk to me originally for him)

at a bar - this is a reasonable place, i suppose, but the (very dorky) guy first implies that i *ought* to be playing pool. i tell him that i'm not good at it and it's not fun. he says neither is astrophysics but you've got to do it. i tell him that i've quit astrophysics a while ago. he seems excited by this and asks me where i went to school. i tell him caltech. he says that he went to cornell as if that is going to entice me. fortunately clinton comes back and i drag him outside for a cigarette.

at the supermarket - the produce restocker makes some small talk about the weather. then tells me i'm very beautiful and asks me if i'm married. i tell him i have a boyfriend but i really want to tell him that i have a girlfriend.

best pickup line ever though (courtesy mike p.) - do you love math?

listening to: why? - oaklandazulasylum

i think that an understanding of the incentives people and institutions face is crucial to acheiving the objectives we want.

it's pretty obvious that what people want for medicare is
better health for seniors
cost control

if the incentives are not there - or there are even disincentives, how do we expect for profit companies to do anything but exploit the system to the detriment of everyone except their shareholders?

medicare needs better incentives



istening to: cannibal ox - the cold vein

My little brother is turning 19 today! So old! Old enough that I feel ok about macking on people younger than him.

He is way cool - way too cool for school (at least the one that he goes to)

I hope he has lots of scandalous fun while he is 19

listening to: the unicorns - who will cut our hair when we are gone?

ok - i'm pretty sure that i have ADD. I'm damn smart so I can do ok but come on:

procrastination
self-medication (coffee, other stimulants, alcohol)
depression
improvement with wellbutrin
difficulty with social situations
desire for high levels of stimulation
inability to take notes or pay attention to lectures
need insane amounts of structure to stay on task
ritalin/other stimulants highly effective
overactive inner dialogue


listening to: death cab - you can play these songs with chords

everyone has a political agenda it seems

Research on Ecstasy Is Clouded by Errors

listening to: sufjan stevens - greetings from michigan

back from crazy thanxgiving
i skipped the sketchy boat building activities and came back on sat.

unfortunately no clarity on the san francisco / new york issue - or on other things as well.

my car is awesome from san jose home to santa monica and back and to work this morning all on one tank of gas.

project idealets
-history of health insurance - social and economic angles - something that has been on my mind a lot recently and a hot topic for the US in general
-clothes - sewing is awesome

listening to: prefuse 73 - one word extinguisher